Hello. It’s me. I hope you remember me fondly. I wanted to say that I miss you and this silence between us is very painful. This has been one of the most painful and longest week’s of my life. I want to hear you voice and see if you’re okay. But, another part of me is afraid to hear your voice since its painful to be apart from you.
I want to be in your arms again, and kiss you on your soft, plump lips and tell you how much I love you. But, you made it clear you don’t want to be with me that way. That’s where the fear of seeing you ahead of time and hearing you comes in. I don’t think I can be near you without falling apart if we can’t be together.
Everyone in my household tells me to be strong and have some pride. To not be weak and call you, or beg you. I feel like the way you up and left as if you grew tired of me and just abandoned me. I feel like you have abandoned me. That everything I achieved means nothing and that my mental illness was too much for you.
It’s hard to not be around you. You’re my best friend that I tell corny jokes to and feel completely safe with. It hurts that you don’t even send me a text message or anything, but I understand you need your space. I hold no grudge over it.
We made an agreement to not speak or see one another until April. And I promise to honor it. I want you to be better. I hope the days to yourself have been good and eventful.
I have done some thinking of my own and I realize I haven’t been the nicest or the most considerate with you at times. I am aware that I’m not the most easiest or most manageable person to be around. But, I can say I have a big heart and I’m genuine and honest. I’m not selfish despite my lazy mannerisms at times. I truly feel and stand up for what’s right.
From everything you told me the last time I spoke to you, it still stings and I feel alone. It hurts a lot that you don’t reconsider things. It’s that I’m such a burden and you only see the wrongs in me and not the good things.
I don’t know what else to say now. I just want you back and to tell you that I love you and hope you value it.